It’s not every year you have a fantasy football draft at an Irish pub in North Carolina populated by bikers and dudes wearing Haloti Ngata jersey T-shirts, but that’s where I found myself a few days back. Throw in some leather-faced ‘neck chicks assaulting a slot machine of a serene summer eve, and you have all the signs that football is back in the air.
Of
course, not 24 hours later, I found out one new player had a foot infection and
then 10 minutes after turning on the TV, watched as another player turned his
ankle. So it is already shaping up to be another Scooters fantasy football year
very early on ...
Without
further ado ...
1st round, 8th Overall:
Megatron, WR, Detroit Lions
With
Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees and Tom Brady already off the board at No. 8, this
was a relatively easy pick. I thought for a few seconds about Matthew Stafford because
of how quarterback-slanted our league’s scoring leagues are, but I just think
Calvin Johnson was way too good to pass up here. The dude catches anything
within a 20-foot radius, has go-go-gadget arms and boasts the speed for
distance scores. Also, he’s a Transformer.
2nd round, 21st
overall: Stephen Jackson, RB, St.
Louis Rams
Somehow,
some way, I always end up with S-Jax on my team every freaking year. Every year,
I think the Rams are going to be better and he’s going to get more goal-line
opportunities. Every year, he destroys his body racking up yards, only to see
Insertkickernamehere miss a 52-yarder. Well, dammit, here we are again, and I’m
fighting for optimism once more. I cain’t quit you, Stephen Jackson. He should
catch more passes out of the backfield and benefit from a few breathers every
now and again. And if not, I’m never drafting him again. Seriously. I promise.
Well ... I mean, maybe if he slides ...
3rd round, 36th
overall: Wes Welker, WR, New England
Patriots
For a
Dolphins fan, you must understand that this choice is like choosing the devil
as your bowling partner. However, with Megatron and Antonio Brown (my
sixth-round keeper) already in the fold, I now have the makings of a stellar WR
corps as the core of my team. I was surprised Welker slid this far, and headed
into a contract year, I think he’s going to benefit from added attention for “Meathead”
Gronkowski and “Tattoo” Hernandez all season long. And as a side bonus, I won’t
be that upset if Welker gets injured or disappears. And yes, I’m fully aware
that I jinxed myself in a big way.
4th round, 49th
overall: Steve Smith, WR, Carolina
Panthers
OK,
so I have a love-hate relationship with Steve Smith. I love the way he plays
the game, his tenaciousness and the competitive fire to prove everyone whoever
doubted him wrong. But I hate his attitude and his lack of focus, which always
seem to pop up at the worst possible times. I think Cam Newton has rejuvenated
Smith’s career, and Smith is worth having simply because of how valuable he is
on distance broken plays created by Newton buying time. And with Megatron,
Welker and Brown, I also have coverage in case Smith, you know, beats the giant
teeth out of Newton’s head on the team plane or something.
5th round, 64th
overall: Shonn Greene, RB, New York
Jets
Every
year features a pinch-your-nose-and-gulp pick, and this was it for the
Scooters. In my defense, I was in need of a running back and Greene was the
only back left without a large question mark next to his name in terms of
injury, workload or offense (Was there one next to talent? Maybe). New
offensive coordinator Tony Sparano is a three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-field goals
coach, and my guess is he’ll hammer the absolutely crap out of Greene since
there isn’t a legit quarterback on this squad. What does that translate to for
Greene? Hard to say, but the hope is that I won’t have to use him too often.
[Insert your own Tebow-is-the-best-back-on-the-team-anyway joke here.]
6th round, 77th
overall: Antonio Brown, WR,
Pittsburgh Steelers
As a
post-12th-round selection from the year before, I was able to designate
Brown a sleeper for the price of a sixth-rounder, so I pulled the trigger. This
move looked even better when Mike Wallace was holding out, but I still think
Brown is Ben Roethlisberger’s most reliable non-bar-bathroom-stall target, and
Wallace has post-holdout-hamstring-injury written all over him this year. Either
way, I’m a Brown fan (though I fear he’s going to injure himself doing his TD dance)
and liked the idea of landing my fourth top-notch receiver in this spot.
7th round, 92nd
overall: Jonathan Stewart, RB,
Carolina Panthers
I was
mildly surprised that Stewart was still around in this position, and even
though he injured his ankle in the preseason, I snapped him up. There are
obvious questions about the Panthers RB situation with DeAngelo Williams and
even Mike Tolbert in play, along with goal-line vulture Cam Newton. The good
news is that, in my estimation, Stewart is their best back, and I was happy to
offset the Greene choice with a back of Stewart’s caliber here. If all goes
right, he’ll be more of a bye-week contributor anyway ... as long as he stays
on Steve Smith’s good side.
8th round, 10th
overall: Matt Schaub, QB, Houston
Texans
Again,
I was surprised to grab a quarterback of Schaub’s pedigree at this point. Sure,
he’s coming off a major injury and is arguably on the downside of his career,
but he’s got some intriguing weapons and is only a couple of years removed from
a near-5,000-yard campaign. And after losing some firepower on defense, I have
to wonder whether the Texans will be in more shootouts in 2012. With Arian
Foster and Ben Tate lugging the rock, the play-action shots to Andre Johnson
should continue to flow, so despite missing out on the big QB names, I was
pretty happy with nabbing Schaub at this spot.
9th round, 120th
overall: David Wilson, RB, New York
Giants
I
wasn’t really looking to round out my running back corps with this pick, but
when Wilson was still around, I took the plunge. The rookie out of Virginia
Tech was a first-rounder for a reason, and Ahmad Bradshaw hasn’t been the
healthiest of backs during his time in New York. I wouldn’t be surprised to see
Wilson at least splitting carries at some point this year, and his sheer upside
made him a quality selection at this stage. Halfway through the draft, I was a
little nervous about tight end and defense/special teams, but in terms of
skill-position depth, I didn’t think it could’ve gone a whole lot better for
the Scooters.
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